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Letters from University

I think Christopher’s stepfather must have been clearing out his attic recently, as he has just kindly sent me a bundle of letters which Christopher wrote home to his mother when he was up at Oxford. That was in the early ’80s – years before I knew him, and in fact while I was still at school. It’s been absolutely fascinating reading them, though I couldn’t help feeling somewhat voyeuristic reading about his dates with his then girlfriends – mind you, there was nothing written that wasn’t suitable for his mother to read……  It was uncanny too seeing his handwriting again, which hadn’t changed in twenty five or more years.

I’m astonished he ever had time to do any studying, as his letters are full of his social life, in particular his archery, parties, college balls, punting on the river and pub trips. However, I strongly suspect that if my sister were to re-read my letters home to her from a few years later she would gain much the same impression, albeit with the college boat club replacing archery…….

13 11 2010 Gillian nostalgia Comments (3) Permalink

Dealing with the taxman

Christopher’s tax affairs really ought to be straight forward. There is no inheritance tax to pay, as he left almost everything to me. If anything, he should be due a small income tax rebate for this current tax year – the pittance of interest earned on his savings was well below the tax threshold, but he didn’t get around to registering for nil-rate tax so overpaid slightly. There is a fairly simple form (by HMRC standards at least) called an R27 which I sent off to them over a month ago to calculate the rebate due.

However, the big bogey in the corner is his redundancy payment from this time last year. Although, according to HMRC rules, some of that was tax free, I strongly suspect that there is tax still owing on the rest.  To complicate matters, he put some of the cash straight into his pension as an “Additional Voluntary Contribution”, which should attract tax relief at the highest rate. With hindsight, of course, he wouldn’t have done that as he didn’t live long enough to see any benefit from it. Indeed, I’m still in discussion with the pension fund trustees about what they’re going to do about the AVC – the subject for a future blog post I suspect.

By the end of the tax year, in April, when he should really have sorted all this out, he was in the midst of chemotherapy so we had other priorities. So the upshot is that I’ve had to get all the figures together about his redundancy payment and pension contributions and send off various documents to the HMRC “customer operations centre”. Thank goodness he’d filed them in a sensible place, as it all dates from this time last year, before we knew he was ill and I had no part in dealing with it. At least the taxman has agreed to do all the sums for me – though I will of course check them before I agree to pay anything! And they don’t seem to be in any grand hurry – it’s nearly three months since I first contacted them and they’ve only just written to ask me to supply more details. At that speed, I reckon I needn’t waste a first-class stamp when I reply to them…….

08 11 2010 Gillian cancer Comments (2) Permalink

A bequest to Malvern Archers

Chris was a keen archer when I first met him. He had shot for his University and was a member of the local archery club. Although his interest waned in recent years  he still had all of his archery equipment, which in its day was good-quality stuff.

His Will was really very simple, leaving almost everything to me, apart from a few specific bequests.  One read “I give all my archery equipment to Malvern Archers of Manor Park Club Malvern and I declare that the receipt of the treasurer or other proper officer for the time being of Malvern Archers shall be a sufficient discharge to my executors”. Well, despite the legalese, that was quite clear and now that I’ve got probate I thought I’d better do something about it.

It was easy enough to find Malvern Archers online and to contact the Secretary, who was very happy to accept the bequest on behalf of the club. So then I simply had to find the kit. I last remembered seeing it in the garage a few years ago, but it wasn’t there when I went looking on Saturday.  Then I thought that maybe I was remembering seeing it in the old garage, which we knocked down when we had the extension built. We moved a lot of the garage junk stuff into the summerhouse during the building work – perhaps it was still there.

I couldn’t actually get into the summerhouse – the lock seems to have jammed and needs at minimum some WD40 and possibly a locksmith to open it again. But I peered through the windows, and saw no archery equipment. Neither was it under the stairs in the house, nor in any of the cupboards. So that left only one place – the loft. I was quite proud that I’d avoided setting foot in the loft for the past 12 years – it was very much Christopher’s job to brave the mice / Edwardian water tanks / Victorian sawdust insulation / itchy modern glass fibre insulation. But I steeled myself to go exploring, and I did indeed find it up there. I still have no recollection of him putting it there, but I certainly didn’t so he must have done so. Perhaps he didn’t want to leave a potentially lethal weapon visible in the summerhouse while we had the garage re-done?

The Secretary from Malvern Archers came around this afternoon to collect the stuff I’d found. I got him to sign a receipt, as per the terms of the Will, saying “I acknowledge receipt of one green case containing sundry archery equipment and one blue rig/jig for making bowstrings, the property of the late Christopher Booth” which was the best I could come up with (as a non-specialist)  to describe what I was handing over. He was very grateful for the bequest, saying that it will help their beginners to borrow the equipment while they decided whether or not they were committed enough to invest in their own kit.

So that’s the first bequest from the Will dealt with. I really feel I’m getting somewhere now with sorting out the estate.

02 11 2010 Gillian cancer Comments Off on A bequest to Malvern Archers Permalink

A solo trip to the theatre

Chris and I really enjoyed going to the theatre, and even while he was ill we made an effort to keep up the trips. If I stopped doing all the things I used to enjoy, just because I’m worried about stirring up upsetting memories, I’d hardly get out at all. So I determined that I’d grit my teeth and go out & forcibly enjoy myself next time something suitable was on at the theatre.

Recently they had an Alan Ayckborn play on, called Bedroom Farce. It wasn’t one I knew, but all his plays are comedies and you pretty much know what to expect. We used to make a point of going to see every one that was on in Malvern, including the am-dram ones in the church halls, which were often just as much fun to watch as the professional productions. I’m still too tired to go out much in the evenings at the moment, but there was a Saturday matinee on last week so I bought myself a ticket.

It felt very odd going to the theatre without Chris, and was yet another “first time” milestone to get over. But I’m very glad I made the effort. I don’t think the play was one of Ayckbourn’s best, but it was laugh-out-loud funny in places, and I’m sure that will have done me a world of good. And next time I go, it should be easier too.

31 10 2010 Gillian Day out Comments (1) Permalink

Feeling about four again……

I’m handling most of the probate myself, but there is one bit I’m more comfortable getting professional help on. That’s getting the house moved into my sole name – we bought it as “tenants in common” which means it doesn’t automatically come to me, rather the ownership gets transferred in accordance with his Will. So although Chris did indeed leave his share to me, I don’t want to screw up the legal side, so decided to ask the solicitors to draw up a “Deed of Assent”. While I was there, I also thought I’d better get them to draw up a new Will for me, as my old one is now out of date (there’s not much point leaving anything to Chris…..).

The business took about 15 minutes, and was very straightforward. But when I’d finished, the senior partner popped her head round the door and invited me into her office. At least, I think she’s a senior partner, though she must be at least semi-retired by now, I’d have thought. She was at antenatal classes with my mother, forty-mumble-mumble years ago, and hence has known me since I was a baby. So at least there was none of that tedious business of having to prove my identity to the solicitors, as she could vouch for me since birth! Her son is three days younger than me, and we always went to each other’s parties when we were little. I’ve blogged before about how Malvern often feels like a small town, but I didn’t expect to go to the solicitors and end up reminiscing about tea-parties I went to when I was four!

27 10 2010 Gillian cancer Comments (4) Permalink

A useful book

The Consumer’s Association (Which?) publishes a useful book called “What to do when someone dies“.  I’ve had it on my Amazon wish list since January – how sad is that? They update it every year with the latest tax regime etc, so I didn’t want to buy it immediately after Chris was diagnosed, in the hope that he would survive for several more editions. Oh well.

My sister has a friend who was widowed very suddenly a few months before I was. So J. went to her local bookshop to buy a copy of the book for the friend who was in a complete state of shock and didn’t know where to start. The bookseller said that unfortunately, they were out of stock but there was a new edition due out in a few weeks time, and would she care to put in a preorder? J. told him to look at the title of the book, and engage his brain! When you need it to know what to do, you need help straight away and waiting a few weeks isn’t an option…… So she bought it on Amazon after all.

She also bought me a copy at my request when Chris was in the hospice, so that it was waiting for me when I got home. I’ve found it very useful in setting out, in remarkably readable prose, what needs to happen when, and in what order, to get through from planning a funeral, to applying and being granted probate, and distributing the estate. One slight problem is that it tries to cover all possible eventualities, which means it doesn’t go into things in as much depth as one perhaps would like. It does quite often read as though the reader is the executor for the estate of their wealthy great-aunt by marriage, so goes into the whole business of trusts, valuing property, stocks, shares, bonds etc. None of which was relevant for Chris’s very straightforward estate.

Other sources of help were the hospice, which gave me a leaflet on what to do, and (perhaps surprisingly?) most of the banks themselves. Barclays were particularly good – I don’t even bank there, but Chris had his personal current account with them. So I went into the Malvern branch with my box of paperwork to tell them of his death. I’d got to the front of the long queue, and had just started explaining the situation to the clerk behind the counter, when the manager appeared by my side out of thin air (shades of Mr Ben – “as if by magic the shopkeeper appeared” – anyone else remember that or is it just me?) He ushered me into a back office, gave me a coffee (only instant, unfortunately, but we are in a banking crisis…..) and was extremely helpful in telling me about Chris’s accounts and what I needed to do next.

I think I’m getting there now. Thank you to all of you who have contacted me with your experience of getting probate. I think the main thing I’ve picked up from you all is how important it is to be methodical. I’ve got an exercise book in which I have one double-page per company, and I keep notes of who I spoke to, when, what the outcome and actions are. It’s a bit like keeping a logbook at work, which I’ve done for years, so it was more or less second nature. I’ve also got a big box-file into which I’ve shoved absolutely all the paperwork, so I always know where it is. I’ve obtained Grant of Probate now, so I should be on the last lap. I hope that soon I’ll be able to put the useful book away in the bookcase, and not leave it out for ready reference.

24 10 2010 Gillian cancer Comments (6) Permalink

Giving blood

The blood donation nurses visited work today for their regular donor session in our conference room. I went along as usual to give blood, but it felt much more poignant this time. I couldn’t help remembering how much better Chris felt after his two blood transfusions. Each one gave him so much more energy – it made a remarkable difference. I suppose in the past I’ve always thought of my blood going to trauma patients or during surgery. I had never considered it being such an effective part of cancer treatment. I don’t enjoy giving blood; in fact I hate it. But I’ve always thought of it as my “civic duty” and gritted my teeth. I suspect I’ll be much more enthusiastic in future.

18 10 2010 Gillian cancer Comments (5) Permalink

Donating the car

I blogged a few weeks ago about donating our little Polo to charity via giveacar.co.uk.  At the time, I expressed doubts as to whether it was all too good to be true. So I thought it only fair that I update the blog to say that it’s all worked very smoothly.

I phoned  giveacar on a Monday afternoon to tell them the details of the car and the charity I wanted to benefit. The following morning I was called by a local car parts company who arranged to pick it up that same afternoon. I did all the paperwork and waved off the car. A week or so later I got a letter from the DVLA saying that according to their records I was no longer responsible for the car.

Then last week I first received a letter from Giveacar saying that they had disposed of it and sent a cheque to St Richard’s Hospice. This was followed shortly by a letter of thanks from the hospice acknowledging receipt of the donation.

I’m sure I could have raised more money if I’d sold it privately. But I didn’t want to sell it to a friend, given that I knew how dodgy the electrics were – I’d always feel it was my fault if they broke down somewhere and ended up with a large repair bill. And I didn’t want strangers  poking around, especially now I’m on my own.

So all in all giveacar was an easy option. From first to last it worked very smoothly and they did exactly what they promised. It got an aged and redundant car off my drive with a minimum of fuss, at no cost to myself, and with the additional benefit that a charity of my choice got a donation. I have no hesitation in recommending it to anyone who has an old car they need to get rid of.

17 10 2010 Gillian cancer Comments (1) Permalink

Applying for probate

Somehow, applying for probate seems like a huge step to take – though a very necessary one if I ever want to be able to access Christopher’s savings. The probate office of HMRC were very helpful and sent me all the forms straightaway back in August. But I found the forms surprisingly intimidating and kept putting off tackling them, or indeed even looking through them properly. Surprising, that is, because as an engineer I’m pretty numerate, and as an ex-civil servant I’m well used to filling in forms. So it should have been a doddle and I was cross with myself that I kept procrastinating.

In the end I enlisted the Citizens’ Advice service that the hospice offers, and went through the forms with one of their very helpful staff. That forced me to confront the dreaded forms, and showed me that in fact it was all straightforward – Christopher left virtually everything to me, there is no Inheritance Tax to pay, and his estate is really very simple. I gave myself a good talking to, and forced myself to sit down with my box-file of paperwork and fill in all the forms the following Sunday afternoon. I knocked out a little spreadsheet on my computer and used that to do the donkey-work of adding up the various classes of assets and debts, so that it was then a simple matter to transcribe the numbers into the relevant boxes on the forms.

Today I had the probate interview at the court offices in Gloucester. It was quick and easy, only taking about 10 minutes, basically checking that I was who I said I was, and that I understood what was required of me. I had to sign a copy of the Will, and swear an oath. I went with a friend who was there to offer moral support and, since the interview finished at 12:25, we then had  lunch at a little Italian restaurant in Gloucester to “celebrate” that important step being taken.

It should take another 10 working days or so for the Grant of Probate to come through. Then I’ll have to write back to all the banks where Chris had an account, and ask them to release the funds. I hope that I can see the light at the end of this particular tunnel now.

11 10 2010 Gillian cancer Comments (3) Permalink

Phew! The blog’s still here…..

I really wasn’t convinced that this blog would survive to the beginning of October. Chris had paid for the web hosting service until the end of September, and the company concerned is the one I’ve had the most trouble with, when trying to get things moved into my name. The email traffic, phone calls and faxes (faxes! so 20th century!) bounced backwards and forwards for at least 6 weeks and I still wasn’t sure that they’d done what was needed. I’ve been taking dumps of the blog in case I needed to restore it at a later date, and a friend of ours, it turns out, has been taking regular backups on my behalf for many months. So all would not have been lost, but I was still highly relieved that the blog survived into October.

My parents have also taken matters into their own hands, and made a more permanent record of the blog. My father turned it “upside down”, i.e. starting last Christmas and ending at the funeral, to tell the story in chronological order, and had a few copies printed out and bound as an A4-sized book for the family to keep. I’ve got a copy, and it’s gripping  to browse through (though somewhat emotional as I know how it ends). I’ve also donated a copy to the hospice to use as “resource material”. I spoke to Rod (the chaplain who took the funeral service) about it, and he said that they would find it helpful to use as training material for the junior doctors who are seconded to the hospice as part of their rotations whilst training. The doctors generally only see things from one side of the consulting-room desk, and Rod thought it would be good for them to see the events from the patient’s point of view. I’m not sure that Chris was a particularly typical cancer patient, but he was certainly articulate – and if his blog can help others at a difficult time then I’m all for it, as would he have been.

07 10 2010 Gillian cancer Comments (5) Permalink