Two of my cancer blogger friends have posted recently that things aren’t going too well for them. Joan is in the middle of an unpleasant cycle, suffering from unpleasant tinglings and loss of taste, while Jeanne has had a nasty GI infection that left her with no appetite, and eventually dehydrated her enough that she needed treatment at her cancer clinic. These things must come in threes, I think, as I too have been feeling particularly under the weather. I have what we think is a virus infection that is sapping my energy, along with the recent back/rib pain that makes it hard to sleep for long at a time, all of which means that my mood is lower than I am used to.
As Joan says, however, enough whingeing! At the clinic today I found that I was slightly anaemic, which probably has something to do with how I feel, but we know from Monday that my neutrophil levels are good (5.5 is a normal healthy level, apparently) which means that I should be able to fight off this infection without external help.
I notice that all three of us try to maintain a positive attitude. That has been reasonably easy for me during the last couple of months, and I think I have taken it for granted. That stops now. The positive attitude is something that I firmly believe one chooses to have. When I feel sorry for myself, I am choosing a less than positive attitude, and I want to take inspiration from Joan and Jeanne, get back on the wagon and stop feeling sorry for myself. Even feeling under the weather there are things I can do that I enjoy, so I’ll seek them out and enjoy them as much as I can. They just happen to be different things from those I have recently been used to doing.
One example is that Gillian and I enjoyed watching a couple of episodes of Shaun the Sheep this evening, from a new DVD that we bought last week. It’s childish humour — naturally, as it’s made for children by Nick Park’s company Aardman Animations — but we enjoy it hugely. That reminds me how much I enjoy watching movies, so perhaps tomorrow I’ll be a bit more passive than I usually am and sit down in front of one of my favourite films. We’ll see what I feel like tomorrow. Serenity beckons, I think. At the very least, that will be two hours away from my less positive thoughts, which I will enjoy.
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All the Aardman stuff is gloriously silly and well-crafted – a good mood lifter!
However, I watched some of Timmy Time with my son and can’t get the blasted theme tune out of my head now! 😎
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cbeebies/timmytime/songs/theme/
I knew about Timmy Time, but always figured it was perhaps a little too young, even for me. Glad to hear about your earworm, though! I don’t dare click on the link, however. 🙂 Not after your awful warning.
Hi Chris
I was really sorry to hear that you had developed cancer. I was told just after Christmas and have been dropping in on your blog since then, thinking that I should make some sort of comment just to pass on my support and thoughts. However I have not known what to say really that has not been said before. Suffice it to say that I hope the treatment goes well and you don’t loose hope.
Reading your blog Chris I am just awe inspired. I truly admire your level headed approach to such a difficult disease and the way you have documented your cancer, treatment, progress and feelings so that other people can benefit, hopefully as well as yourself in being able to openly express it all. Your positive approach has to be the way to go and your blog seems to help with this.
The reason for the comment however was suggestions for other films to watch. Have you considered Lord of the Rings? I have got the extended box sets which would keep you occupied for well over 10 hrs.
Oh and I like your choice in Serenity, excellent film, as was Firefly the series. Shame it only lasted a season in the US and hence everywhere else. Such a shame really, especially with beauties such as Inara in it 😉
BTW if you enjoy Shaun the Sheep you can get a load more off iPlayer.
David, how great to hear from you again! I’m glad you’ve found my blog inspiring. You probably know that it’s really a selfish endeavour, as writing the blog helps me to stay in a positive frame of mind, which helps my mood all round. It didn’t start that way, of course, but that is now its primary purpose, which is why I keep it up. This post was probably the clearest example yet of me using the blog to help my mood.
I like your suggestion of Lord of the Rings. Ten hours is enough to keep me occupied for a couple of days, at least. But today I watched the first three episodes of Firefly, and re-immersed myself in the ‘verse. I think I’ll save Serenity until I’ve been through the series, so the story continues properly. It’s amazing how much one sees on re-watching, and how clever the writers and directors and actors were. Lots of little presaging moments that just appear, with no attention drawn to them. Wonderful. A real treat for fans.
Gillian and I have long been fans of iPlayer, including for Shaun the Sheep. It’s just nice to be able to play DVDs on the TV with a cup of tea and a biscuit.
We’ve got all the Shaun the Sheep…I absolutely love it!!! Highly recommended if you need a good chuckle :o)
Hi Chris & Jillian!
Well you won’t be surprised to know that you have much better attitudes than most people in any state of health; I’m sure that’s from your constitutional states (speaking a-politically, of course).
You may not relize that my first exposure to Shaun the Sheep was at your Gt Malvern home!! Since then I have given away gifts of the tape, then the DVD, and David, Ben & Stephanie gave me a hot water bottle cover of Gromit to top it off.
You have long, influential arms!
Yes Sue, there’s something about Nick Park’s characters that is very widely appealing. All age groups seem to appreciate them. He’s a modern day Oliver Postgate, isn’t he?
There is no way that a major threat to our existance has no effect in our consciousness…
Under the threat of cancer, there is no chance for the so called “positive thinking”, because the unconcious mind simply does not respond to logic.
So, I believe there is place for “feeling sorry for one self”, I also believe that when we are not afraid of feeling sorry for ourselves, that those feelings come and go….as all feelings do. And I believe that to be OK.
Jeanne is not all the time in the “positive thinking” mood, not at all. She has even written about that. Jeanne is not afraid of being negative from time to time, as she is not afraid of being in denial from time to time. I find her to be very liberated in that sense. I find her to be a role model in this respect.
I just wanted to say that many of us will gratefully receive the expressions of who you are in what ever state of mind you find yourself to be. I, at least, will be grateful for any and every little bit of yourself you allow us to see.
Miranda, your comment reminds me that everyone is different, which it can be easy to overlook now and again. I have found that feeling sorry for myself does nothing to make me feel better, so I try not to do it. If I feel really bad, of course, there is little I can do to lift my mood, even when I try. But if I try and my mood lifts, then I’d rather not feel sorry for myself any longer than I can avoid.
As for seeing expressions of who I am on this blog, I hope there will be many more of them, as many as you can tolerate, and probably more 🙂