Skip to content

Emotional rollercoaster

Just over three months ago I was made redundant (laid off; bought out, whatever). I had been working for my company for nearly 18 years, and as it was an ex-civil service organisation the redundancy terms were excellent. I was given enough money to give me three years at my current standard of living to find out what I wanted to do next. Not only that, but I had a tidy nest egg to fund some capital expenditure too. Far from being miserable, I was as happy as I had ever been. Sure, I had had a little problem swallowing, but as far as I was concerned, it was most likely an ulcer and would easily be cured.

That all changed with the cancer diagnosis. At least the physical side changed. My mood was still good, however, and I was putting a brave face on it. Gillian, who has more imagination than I do, was understandably very upset, so I did my best to support her. I don’t think I helped very much, although I tried hard.

I handled the prognosis far less well, I assure you. My appetite disappeared completely. I felt permanently sick, and that made me extremely depressed. We had the worst Christmas ever. Fortunately I had access to some anti-emetics which made me feel better and even allowed me to begin eating again. This was important, as I had been strongly urged not to lose any more weight. Failing to eat after that advice seemed tantamount to giving up, and yet it was harder than ever. That added to my depression. That’s why the anti-emetics were such a life-saver.

Life began to get easier the day after Christmas, and my mood has been climbing since then. Everybody tells me that a positive attitude is strongly linked to a positive outcome, so I’m doing my very best to stabilize my mood. Nausea and tiredness are now the foes that I fight. One with ginger biscuits, lemon and  ginger tea, being horizontal instead of vertical, and anti-emetics; the other with more bed-rest and sleep than I ever managed before in my life. And that is where the jaundice actually helps. It makes me so tired I have no option but to go to bed in the middle of the afternoon, and again by 10 pm, if not before. And I sleep until 8 am or more.

But the absolute biggest lift to my mood has been the support, thoughts, prayers, and good wishes of all my friends and family. Thank you, all of you. You do a huge amount of good by just dropping by and saying hello. I hope you’ll continue to do so.

{ 2 } Comments

  1. Neeru | 2 January 2010 at 11:34 pm | Permalink


    My prayers will always remain with you and your wife. *hugs*

    Love you loads, Chris.


  2. icyjumbo | 3 January 2010 at 7:47 pm | Permalink

    Thank you Neeru. *hugs* back!